25 SEPTEMBER 2025, 12:33AM

    At 7:34 PM, me and one of my roommates sat down in the living room to play UNO No Mercy. After half an hour, the rest of our roommates joined. Four hours later, the post blunt rotationvconsisted of software engineer bisexual divorced fathers, elon musk, politics, furries, feminism, yaoi/yuri, danganronpa, wayneradiotv, ai generated transphobic joe biden, and a lotm ore. It is 12:37 AM, and I'm eating a bowl of ramen with monster energy. I have to get up early.

    I was going to end it there, actually, but something so crazy happened today, theres no way I can. At the crack of dawn, I woke up and decided to go to the living room to get some water. As I tried to do this, I fell off my useless, flimsy ladder (I sleep on a lofted bed), and severely injured my neck. In the process, also- My back issues immediately flared up. My stupid blind self missed the last step and I crashed down. I literally can't even sit comfortably, even with proper posture. Like, oh my god. Taking ibuprofen on an empty stomach immediately after certainly didn't help. I ACTUALLY thought I was going to pass out from the pain. Since then, I attended all my classes without issue, and spent time with my roommates shortly after I arrived back at my dorm. Today was great, despite maybe nearly potentionally dying.

    23 SEPTEMBER 2025, 11:44PM

    Wow, I kind of don't remember how these past few days went. Wow. I kind of have no recollection. That hasn't really happened before, I don't think. Happy rapture day. I did so, so many assignments today.

    20 SEPTEMBER 2025, 6:44PM

    It's amazing how something so small can change the trajectory of my entire day. My brain is in a constant state of confusion and paranoia. There will always be something haunting me and I will never be rid of it. The moment I feel like I'm in danger, whether it's through rejection, disappointment, abandonment- I begin to shut down. It effects me so badly that I can barely function throughout the day. Even when I engage in activities I enjoy--Which I always do, I never want to sulk and do nothing about my sadness--it never makes this feeling go away. This soul-crushing amalgamation of feelings of intense paranoia, anger, resentment, sadness, sickness. It never goes away. It never has gone away. I've merely had distractions since I was young. I have never felt free from this. I've never felt free from thinking I deserve the worst, or that I don't need anyone, and that I should drop everyone I've ever known just so I can avoid abandonment alltogether. I go from such intense highs to such devastating lows with the smallest inconvenience. I'm in a constant state of fear, that maybe all I hold close to will leave me to suffer. I often think about how this issue of mine can never be fixed. No matter what I do or what help I get, it'll never truly go away. I don't know how I can live with that, I really don't.

    19 SEPTEMBER 2025, 11:13PM

    My stomach hurts, and I didn't have the greatest day. It just wasn't particularly productive at all. Tomorrow, I hope to go to the mall again, and start fresh on Monday. I skipped a lot of my classes this week because things just... Haven't been good. I hope to draw something as well.

    I wish there were more things occupying my mind rather than misfortunes. I'd write about a lot, if that was the case. I feel fogged.

    17 SEPTEMBER 2025, 10:15PM

    I feel quite bad. But also alright. But also not good at all. There's a lot of things going through my mind, too many and too dark to list here. I just feel a concoction of very bad things. My brain is being mean to me and making me believe false ideas. It's also making me confused about a certain something that's been going on. More than confused, actually. Conflicted and hurt. Very hurt. I love being vague. No one can ever tell what I'm talking about as long as I'm typing this way. I only feel alright because my roommate made delicious pasta with veggies and my morning class is cancelled for tomorrow. They're just mere distractions for what I'm struggling with... And, oh my gosh, to add onto it, I'm dealing with very detrimental financial aid and loan issues. I love college.

    Also, current events are going crazy right now. I kind of can't believe my eyes. Wow.

    16 SEPTEMBER 2025, 8:56PM

    I love how it's only been two days into my adulthood and I'm already having bank issues. Is this what being a grown up is like?

    15 SEPTEMBER 2025, 5:24PM

    Its not my birthday anymore. Didn't matter to me, though. I finally went to the mall and spent a pretty penny on lots of plushies, keychains, stationary equipment, and snacks. (Thank you for the birthday money, family ^q^)

    The two plushies I got was a calico cat hug pillow and a large grumpy carebear head. I named the kitty Rhubarb. I ate my snacks before I could blink, and I accessorized my already heavily accessorized backpack with my new keychains. Kuromi and a tokidoki girl, to be specific... I also got panda express, and now I'm very sleepy. I feel like a well-fed, fat dog.

    14 SEPTEMBER 2025, 7:23AM

    It's my birthday! Yesterday was amazing. My parents came all the way from home to surprise me at my aunts. I had a strong feeling they'd come, but, you know-- there's always that doubt. I was elated! It's only been a month since we've seen each other, but I missed them greatly. I swimmed in my aunts pool, played with my cousins, ate yummy homemade dinner and icecream, and watched UFC/Boxing. Canelo lost-- It was expected, but he was getting paid $100,000,000 win or lose, so I... don't really feel that bad. LOL

    I got new hoodies, shirts-- a plushie, fitbit watch, thermal waterbottle, hair styling kit, makeup, and an IPHONE 14! Oh my god, I can't believe I got a new phone. It's the first time I've ever gotten a gift like that. Listing out all the things I got makes me feel really spoiled, but really, I'm just very lucky to have a family that loves me so much. I'm so very pleased with all the things I was gifted.

    As for today, I'm not gonna do much. I was planning to go to the mall once I came back to my dorm, but now I'm just too tired. I'll do it tomorrow :) Tonight, I'm gonna call someone really important to me. Looking forward to that. :)))

    13 SEPTEMBER 2025 12:06PM

    I suppose I'll begin this journal today. Originally, I wanted to start writing here once I finished all the websites contents, but that would have taken an incredible amount of time... I want to be able to document my birthday (which is tomorrow), so here we are.

    There's quite a lot to talk about. Right now, as of 12:14 PM, I'm writing this entry-- waiting for my aunt to pick me up from my dorm. I'm gonna be spending time with her and my cousins today; they live an hour away from my university, so more of these are bound to happen in the future. I'm very thankful, though... This year marks a big milestone in my life. An age I was always afraid to reach. One of my biggest fears was that I was going to spend it alone-- I'm 7 hours away from my hometown, my parents, and lifelong friends. Of course, if it wasn't obvious already, this isn't going to happen. I'm quite excited, what we're actually gonna be doing is unknown to me (I assume it's a surprise). I do know we're going out for dinner, though. I can't wait. I also hope the Blood Demon doesn't attack my body, because I really want to swim in my aunts pool. It might just genuinely ruin my birthday if it actually happens.

    I don't have anything else to say... I'll see you tomorrow.